An early Christmas present!!

This is truly the blog I have been waiting and dying to write for so many months now. And am SO excited to finally be typing it. Today I got the best early Christmas present I could've asked for...A JOB OFFER!!!!

And I really feel like it was pretty unexpected. For those of you I didn't talk to after my interview with this company last week...I left it feeling overwhelmed and a bit discouraged. I really felt like after 2 1/2 hours of talking with several different people, I wasn't what they were looking for. This is primarily a manufacturing company and I have almost zero experience within that industry. But I guess it was just the right job for me!! Guess I don't always know what's best do I? :)

Mostly I just want to say a big THANK YOU!! For all of the prayers, support, and encouragement you have all provided me over the past few months...I couldn't be more grateful! And I couldn't have made it through this really tough time without all of you either. But through it all, I always had faith that the right job was out there for me...somewhere. It may have taken longer than I thought, but God's timing is perfect right?

Just another blessing to celebrate this holiday season!!

Again...thank you! I feel so blessed to be surrounded with such love! And I am so excited for what God has in store for me!!

A day to give thanks...

I love Thanksgiving. And not just because it's a day filled with yummy food, great family and Aggie football. Though those are all contributing factors. I really love it because it is simply a day to be thankful.

I noticed a couple of weeks ago that one of the "popular" things to do on facebook this year was to be thankful for something different every day until Thanksgiving. Now normally I wouldn't jump on the facebook trend bandwagon, but this time I thought it was actually a neat thing to do. So for the past few days (I was a little late getting started) I have been thankful for so many things. Not in any particular order really, just whatever comes to mind or seems appropriate for the day. And they may seem silly or trivial to those who read them, but sometimes it is the little things that mean the most to me.

Here is a sample of what I'm so thankful for today: living in a country where I am free to worship as I please and speak without fear of punishment; the men and women who bravely give their lives to defend our freedom each and every day; a group of people I am not only honored to call my friends, but my family as well; a God that is merciful to love me no matter what; a family that is more incredible than words can properly describe; and a life that is full of more blessings and love than I could have ever imagined.

More specifically there are certain people out there who need to know how much they mean to me, not just today but everyday. First and foremost, my parents. Even though they don't read this, I hope they know that if it wasn't for them, I wouldn't be anything close to the person I am today. I am so grateful for the love and support they've always given me, the education they provided that has opened so many doors, and more than anything just for being great examples of how to love each other and others. Second is my sister. I don't think I know anyone with more faith and strength to endure everything life throws her way. I couldn't ask for a better role model, whose footsteps I would be lucky to follow in. I hope she knows that I can't even put into words how much I love being her sister. Third is of course my brother. We may not always see eye to eye or even agree on much, but no matter what, I will always love and be so proud of him. As much as we've been through over the years, all I can hope for is that in some way I have been an example of unconditional love for him. And fourth are a certain couple of friends (who will remain anonymous but you know who you are). These are the people who are always there for me...when I am falling apart or to celebrate in my joys or any number of other things. And I am so grateful to have had them in my life for so long. It's not often that you find your best friends so young and can grow and change together over the years. I don't know what I would do without them.

And even if I didn't single you out, I hope you know as you read this that I am thankful for you. In whatever capacity you have been a part of my life, know that in some way you have touched me and I am so grateful for that. "Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And we are never, ever the same." Anonymous

As we prepare for a day full of feasting, great conversation, laughter and love, I hope that each us of remembers we have so much to be thankful for. Happy Thanksgiving!!!

I will praise You in this storm...

When I was driving home a couple of weeks ago I was listening to the radio and Praise You In This Storm by Casting Crowns came on. Now mind you I was driving through a massive snow storm at the time. Oh the irony. But it was also indicative of what has been going on in my life.

The storm I have been weathering for the past few months may or may not be letting up. For the time being it seems to have lightened up a bit...but you never know what lies on the horizon. And for a couple of weeks it was pretty heavy. I ended up spending (wasting really) a lot of time with a company that ended up being yet another disappointment. Somewhere in there I also had a pretty rough case of viral pneumonia that took a couple of weeks to fully recover from. On top of it all, without any jobs prospects in sight, I was left no choice but to pack up my life and leave Denver in search of better things in Texas. Needless to say I was both physically and emotionally exhausted.

I always knew that leaving Denver was a very real possibility given the state of the economy in Colorado. But I guess I never thought I would have so much trouble finding a job in the first place, let alone be unemployed for several months without any real prospects. It was also very different this time because leaving Dallas was my choice. And while I suppose I could've stayed a little longer to continue my search, the benefits no longer outweighed the costs. Tough decisions had to be made and my decision was to come back home.

And believe me it wasn't an easy decision by any means. It felt like giving up on a life I put so much effort into building. But at the same time returning to a life I had sort of put on hold. Or something like that. I have made some great friends over the past couple of years in Denver, and while I know we'll still keep in touch, it's just not the same as seeing each other all the time. Though at the same time it is nice to be able to see my friends here on a more regular basis, for they are my other family. So it was bittersweet in a way. I know I can always go back and visit, but I also know that chapter in my life has come to an end.

So after a brief trip to Nashville (I'll save that for another blog) I find myself back in Texas, weathering the storm as best I can. All the while being thankful for the things I've been given and in prayer about the things that lie ahead.

Bad feet...

So a couple of months ago I was at a friend's wedding...walking out of the church...when I tripped, missed a step and fell. Quite embarassing I suppose...but I managed to laugh (and walk) it off. Just another reminder why I don't wear heels very often these days. Thankfully I had flip flops in the car to wear post-wedding so I hadn't really noticed the pain...needless to say I was quite shocked when I looked at my ankle during the reception and realized it had swollen up pretty significantly. But I shrugged it off and kept on dancing and walking around for the rest of the night...no biggie right? By the time I got home, around 2:30 am, I was in tears because of the pain. Over the next few days I kept ice on it, kept it elevated and wrapped...even managed to stay off my feet as much as I could...anything to help it heal. The swelling went down and it started to look a lot more like normal so I figured there was no real need to go to the doctor. Silly me.

That was in August. This is today.

Last week I noticed that my shin was looking a little bruised and that there was a sore "pocket" on the top of my foot...pretty much right where my ankle and shin are connected. I didn't really think much of it until it got progressively worse over the weekend. So yesterday I broke down and made an appointment with a local podiatrist just to make sure it wasn't something serious. And today I went to see him. Now not to worry, there doesn't seem to be anything seriously wrong with my ankle. But he did proceed to tell me all about my "bad feet". Let's just say I was overwhelmed with the amount of "problems" I seem to have with both my feet and the way I walk. Interesting that I've never been told any of this before today though. Anyway he took a bunch of x-rays (of both feet oddly enough) and taped up my foot...told me to do some "foot exercises" to try to correct my walking...and basically told me that he doesn't really know what's wrong with my foot but he thinks that when I hurt my foot before I overcompensated by walking on the inside of my foot, therefore injuring a different tendon or something. Brilliant.

The game plan for now is to hope that I can "correct" my walking and that the soreness/swelling will go away. I'm supposed to go back in a couple of weeks for him to re-check it...and if things haven't changed then it's MRI time. Exciting right? No. This is what I don't want to happen...apparently it's quite expensive and may not be any better at diagnosing the problem. So prayers that it heals on its own!!

Oh and as a slight side note...I'm waiting to hear back on one job in Denver and have an interview in Austin next week! Prayers for those too!!

No news is good news...

Who came up with that saying? If you ask me, it's completely backwards. It should really be more like "no news is a bad sign" or something like that. I wish I had something really profound to blog about...but I think today is going to be more venting for my own good than anything. Sounds pretty negative right? I guess it is.

It's been a rough few weeks. Job search wise that is. I never imagined in my life that I would be unemployed for such a long stretch of time. And I know I talk about this a lot...but it's pretty much the only thing going on in my life these days. I also never thought it would be this hard or emotionally draining to find a job either. I mean I've only had a handful of interviews over the past few months, but you'd think since I was a slave to public accounting for 3 years that it wouldn't be too difficult a task. Apparently it is. And maybe I am an absolutely horrible interviewee...or maybe I don't sell myself enough...maybe I need to work on that. But I've had to jump through some interesting hoops along the way too. I can't wait for the day when I can post on here that I've found a new job...wherever and whatever it may be.

Having faith sometimes isn't enough for the days that you get the rejection emails or phone calls. Especially when you thought the interview went really well and that you'd be a great fit with the company. Those are the worst. Can't say if it's worse than hearing nothing at all...I think that may still be absolute worst thing about the whole new job process. But some days its just hard. And today is one of those days. I know I'll get through it and I know there will be other jobs that come my way...but as my "Denver deadline" is quickly approaching, it isn't getting any easier.

So all I ask for is continued support and prayer that I'll find the right job (or maybe any job) and that I'll stay positive in the meantime.

Thanks for letting me vent...it really does help!!

Chasing daylight...

These two words have been stuck in my head since I flew to Seattle a couple of weekends ago. We were the last flight out (on Southwest) for the evening and you could tell the crew was tired and ready for the day to be over. As we were climbing the pilot came over the speaker to tell us about the weather, flying time, etc and made a comment about chasing the light (or something to that effect) and I thought it was really interesting for him to point that out. And seeing as I always try to snag a window seat if possible...it was cool to watch us fly towards the sunset on the horizon. Knowing that a couple of days later we would conversely be flying towards the darkness.

I really don't know what it was that fascinated me so much. It's definitely not the first time I've been on a flight where we crossed time zones and chased daylight. Maybe it was the fact that the captain thought it was important enough to point out, or maybe I was trying to apply it to my own life. I seem to be doing a lot of that lately. Trying t0 figure out if somehow I was chasing the daylight or the darkness. Or neither.

It's a weird idea to conceptualize into your life. We all want to think we're chasing the daylight obviously. In some way at least. For in daylight everything seems more clear...or perhaps just less scary. Because in the darkness lies the unknown. And that can be scary. Kind of like being without a job for 5 months.

So here I am...chasing daylight...trying not to be swallowed by darkness. And it's hard. For so long work was my life...and on one hand things haven't changed much b/c I spend most of my days looking for a job...but on the other hand things are very different. I had a routine...a schedule (sort of)...people I loved working with...clients that had grown on me...yet was stuck in a job I wasn't crazy about. I was standing in the daylight. Well maybe it was only partly sunny. But you get the idea. Then all of a sudden my world became dark. Or maybe cloudy and rainy is a better way to say it. And trying to navigate through that has been a tough challenge for me.

I think the worst part is the waiting. Waiting to see if a company will choose my resume out of the hundreds they receive...waiting to see if I can make it past a phone interview...waiting to hear back from an in person interview...just all this waiting. And what's even worse is the fact that companies don't even bother to let you know they've gone with someone else after they've gotten your hopes up.

That's where I am right now...waiting...again. Still on the edge of darkness...but facing towards the light. Staying hopeful that the right job is out there on the horizon.

Everything rides on faith somehow...

I'm not really sure where to start tonight, but I just felt like I had to write for some reason. Is that weird? I would love to say that so much has been going on in my life lately, but that's not really the case either.

I guess I'll just talk about what's been on my heart recently. Not an easy thing to do right now.

So every week I have to make at least 5 job contacts to be eligible for unemployment. Doesn't seem like a lot but there are some weeks where I just apply for random stuff b/c there's nothing that peaks my interest. And sometimes the jobs I apply for are in places I think I'd like to live. Like Seattle for instance. Which apparently seems pretty odd to some people...but then again so did Denver 2 years ago. And honestly those are the jobs I don't expect to ever hear from...especially since I apply with my Denver resume. Because there are so many unemployed people in the country right now companies don't have to search far and wide to find a plethora of qualified candidates. Anyway...a few weeks ago I applied for a job in the Seattle area with an energy company...thinking like always that it would count as a contact but that would be the end of it. Much to my surprise it wasn't. Long story short I had a phone interview with the company on my 26th birthday and a couple of days later they called me back to tell me they wanted to fly me up for an in person interview. I seriously thought about laughing and saying thanks but no thanks. But then I thought why not? What if this is the job I've been waiting for? I mean I've applied for a lot of jobs and heard nothing, so why turn down an opportunity that doesn't come along very often?

And it was then that I realized I didn't know how to tell my family. It was hard enough to tell them about moving to Denver...and that's a drivable distance from Texas. But it's not like I've been offered the job and I am moving...it's just an interview. Granted it's not the cheapest of interviews since I am traveling...but the same thing applies when I find jobs in Austin or in other non-Denver cities that I want. And I wanted to tell everyone together...not one person at a time or even before the wedding we attended b/c I didn't want it to be the hot topic of discussion the whole time I was home. Maybe that's selfish of me. But I honestly thought I was doing a good thing. Though I think I already knew what their reactions would be. Disbelief. Disappointment. Deception. All of it.

But the hardest thing to deal with has been the question of my happiness. Which never really crossed my mind as a factor before then. And it was a huge factor in my leaving Dallas...I was unhappy. With my job, with myself, with a lot of things. That's not to say that I didn't love some aspects of my life there, it's just that the bad outweighed the good. And I know my move to Denver was selfish. It was all about me...I felt like I needed to start over again. Prove to myself I could do it all on my own. Be a grown up. Something along those lines. But just because I've thought about moving again doesn't mean I'm unhappy here. I love Denver. I love the life I've built here. Does that mean it's the right place for me at this point in time? I don't know. I do know that I made a promise to myself when I got laid off that I wouldn't take a job just to have one (unless of course I really had to)...and also a promise to be faithful in knowing that God has the right job out there for me. And in reality that job may not be in Denver.

I can't sit here and say that it doesn't scare me...but that fear applies to jobs in Texas as well as Seattle. The fear is quite different in those situations though. With Texas it's a fear of giving up and moving back...with Seattle it's a fear of starting all over again in a city I'm relatively unfamiliar with. But it's also exciting. There may not be another time in my life when I can move around as freely as I can now. Getting to explore a new place and add on to a life I am so blessed to be living. Does that make sense?

It doesn't mean that I will take the job if I feel like it's not the right one for me. It doesn't mean I'm not still applying to jobs in Denver. I definitely am. I want to be where God wants me to be. And if that's in Seattle then is that really so bad? What could be better than following the path God has paved for me?

The way I see it right now is this: there are so many jobs out there that I've applied for, some I've even interviewed for, that haven't worked out...and then this one comes along and they actually called me back...and they're even willing to fly me to Seattle for an interview. I have prayed and prayed that God would bring me the right job and not let my fear get in the way. That even if it's something I may not think I want to do, I would give it a chance if it felt right. And really that's where my heart is. Not concerned about the details of why or how or when. I am relying on faith for those answers.

So as I travel to Seattle this weekend for yet another interview, I can't help but wonder is this the job for me? Is this where God wants me to be? I hope that if it is, I won't be afraid to take a leap of faith and try something new again.

A non-traditional love story...

So yesterday mom and I went to see 500 Days of Summer. And I will tell you now that if you haven't seen it yet, there are some spoilers ahead!

I guess I knew going into it that it wasn't going be a traditional romantic comedy where things end in happily ever after...at least not what we've grown up thinking is happily ever after...you know the "Walt Disney" version. And to be honest...it was refreshing! I loved that the "narrator" (for lack of a better term) even warns you that it's not a story of boy meets girl.

It's funny that as we grow up (and this probably applies mostly to little girls) we watch movies that make us believe in fairytales. And we begin to form these ideals about how life is supposed to turn out...in a world that makes falling in love seem so easy, almost magical. But it's not. It's complicated. At least for the large majority of us it is. I think Summer says it best in the movie...Tom asks her why her past relationships haven't worked out and she simply replies that life got in the way. Or something along those lines. And it's so true!

What I loved most about the movie is even though they don't end up together, they are both better off because of each other. I know that sometimes we don't see things this way when something we thought would last comes to an end...and there are definitely those relationships that take a long time to get over...but I think each person leaves a special mark on our lives. Sadly, it may not always be something positive...there are people that do more damage than good...but it's all a part of who we are. And you have to learn to appreciate it for what it was. Even if it was only a brief glimpse of something great. Even if it ended in heartache. Even if it caused you to question love.

At least that's how I feel about it anyway. It is better to have tried and failed than to never have tried at all. To put yourself completely out there only to be rejected. It may hurt at the time, but nothing worth having is ever easily achieved.

And with that, if you choose to watch this non-traditional love story, I hope you can appreciate it for what it is, and not wish it's something it's not.

Music & Lyrics

I know that my blog title is also conveniently the name for a cheesy romantic comedy, but it seems appropriate for today.

Now I can't say that I've always been a music fanatic...and by no means do I consider myself to be some sort of musical expert or even someone who finds the new artists before they become big names (although it happens on occasion)...but I will say this...I LOVE music! I always wanted to be "musically inclined" and be able to sing or play an instrument...but I truly believe my lack of musical ability has only increased my appreciation for the beauty of the art. I did attempt to learn to play the guitar once...I think I managed a few chords from Green Day's "Time of your Life"...but that was as far as I got.

Anyway...to me the best part of music is the lyrics. I think (for the most part) that is how I truly fall in love with an artist. Many people don't understand or agree with my obsession with the band Lifehouse for instance...but man are their lyrics powerful. And beautiful...and simple...all at the same time. There are other artists I love listening to simply because they have a nice voice or can write songs with great melodies that become very catchy. But there is nothing that moves me more than a beautifully crafted lyric.

Hence the title of my blog actually. "I am damaged at best..." is a lyric from the song Broken below. One of my absolute favorite songs...because the lyrics are so real and personal, at least to me. And let's face it...we are all damaged in some way or another and it's all part of who we are...sometimes it's just scary to admit. Sometimes I think we try to hide the damaged or broken parts for fear that when people discover them, they will run screaming for the hills or something. But I think it's what makes each of us beautiful. We are a broken people...have been ever since the fall of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. It's simple, but it's the truth.

It is really hard for me to say which is the most meaningful lyric from the song though, there are so many that I relate to. I think another favorite would definitely have to be "in your name, I find meaning...". And to each person this lyric signifies different things, I think it's all a matter of how you interpret what they're saying. The "your" in this lyric could be anything or anyone depending on how you choose to define yourself. But to me, this lyric is perfection. Because the way I see it, it is in God that I find meaning. Apart from Him, I am nothing. And there again is a simple truth.

There is another lyric that recently caught my attention. It's from Mat Kearney's Closer to Love (which is the first song on my playlist below). And it is this,"I guess we're all one phone call from our knees." The more I hear it, the more I appreciate what it means to me. You never know when you're going to get the "call" that could forever change the course of your life. Or at least the course you've set. Two recent "life altering" instances come to mind when I hear this line. The first being the infamous phone call I received from an HR person on St. Patty's Day 2009. It was the layoff call. The call no one ever really expects to get and certainly doesn't want. The call that knocked me off my feet to say the least. And the other is a call that was supposed to bring great joy, but instead brought great sorrow. The call I was expecting but the news I was not. Beth and Shelby know which call I'm referring to all too well. For it is their lives that were forever changed that day. But it was that call that brought me to my knees. Literally.

The thing that gets me with this lyric is it's so honest. And again so simple. All it takes is one call, one email, one text message, or even one status update. Our lives can change just that quickly...without warning. Which is also the beauty of it. It's hard to see the light when the tunnel is so dark. But that doesn't mean you've lost your way...it just means your way may not have been the right way or the best way. It is definitely hard to see the beauty of God's plan when you're in the midst of a struggle...but I love being able to look back and know that my plans were so futile compared to God's. Often times it's laughable.

There are so many more lyrics I could pull out and relate to my life...but I think I'll save those for another time. Until then I'll just keep listening and appreciating the simplicity of beautifully written lyrics (and the music they create).

The beginning...

Well I guess this is the beginning of an experiment more or less. That or maybe it's just my attempt to keep up with the trends. Either way, you'll have to bear with me as I try to fit my thoughts into a blog. And no I don't think my thoughts are so important that people should be reading them, but lately I have just felt the need to write them down (or type them out).

Maybe that's what happens when your life changes unexpectedly. You become so overwhelmed by everything going on that you just need a place to vent, talk, whatever...

So that's what this is in a nutshell...a place for my rambling thoughts. They probably won't be profound or life changing, at least not for those of you who choose to read this...but I am putting them out there anyway. And I would love comments. It's always nice to have someone else's perspective on the happenings in your life. Or the lack of happenings as the case may be.

With that, all I have left to say (for now) is enjoy! :)