My life would suck without you...

We sang this song at Jenna's karaoke birthday a few weeks ago and then I heard Kelly Clarkson sing it live a few days later...we sang it better at karaoke of course.  Kidding.  And while we were singing Jenna commented something along the lines of the lyrics being kind of depressing.  Which I had honestly never really thought about before.  Maybe because the chorus is so catchy and happy sounding...or maybe because it sounds like the kind of "anthem" you sing to someone you couldn't imagine your life without.  I prefer to think of it in a positive light anyway.  Glass half full type of stuff.  But it got me thinking...I am a really lucky/blessed person.  There are SO many people in my life that make it not suck.  And this post is dedicated to all of them. 

If you're really lucky, like me, you meet some of these people early on in life.  Perhaps when you're born they're already there, even if they aren't too fond of you at first, or come along a few years later.  It may take a while for you to realize what you have, and there may be lots of pinching, screaming, and crying involved before you get there.  The cool part is getting there.  And learning to appreciate those built in friends not everyone has.  I think I hit the sibling jackpot (most of the time at least).

A little later in life come the friends you meet as a kid and before you know it nearly 20 years have gone by, even though it seems like just yesterday you were having a sleepover or going to Six Flags for the first time.   These are the friends I think most people have while they're growing up and then kind of lose touch with as over the years as they move on to different high schools, colleges, cities, etc.  But not me.  These are the people I consider an extension of my family.  We've shared so much of our lives together...the ups, downs, and fights in between.  They've helped shape me into the person I am today and I couldn't be more thankful.  Again I know I hit the best friend jackpot with these 2.

Throughout high school and college you tend to add more friends to the mix.  Some come and go, but others just seem to have a way of sticking.  I count myself incredibly lucky to have made such good friends in high school...even after going to different colleges and making other friends we still have each other and the nights we're all together are some of my favorites.   And the friends we've added along the way seem to fit right in like they were missing from the start.  It's like a puzzle you couldn't quite figure out. Yep you guessed it...jackpot. 

 

Last but certainly not least are the "grown up" friends you make.  I like to think of these friends as kindred spirits (thanks Anne of Green Gables).  Now if you're like me and you've moved around quite a bit in the past few years you probably have various groups of friends in different parts of the country.  Which I love.  It's so fun to go visit on occasion and catch up like no time has passed at all.  The cool part is some of these friends have known you the shortest amount of time yet perhaps know you the best out of anyone.  Pretty neat right?  I think so.  

It's like hitting the mega millions jackpot.  I hope these friends, and the ones that didn't make the pictures (I could only pull so many from Facebook), know how much they are loved.  They're all unique and special and our relationships are everything.  My life would seriously suck without all of them. 

"I know that I've got issues, but you're pretty messed up too, either way I found out I'm nothing without you...because we belong together now, forever united here somehow, yeah you got a piece of me, and honestly, my life would suck without you..."  Kelly Clarkson

Life is beauty-full

I know it's been quite a while since my last post...but I promise I am going to try to do better from now on. 

In my long absence this sweetness happened...

Parks Ryan Timmerman

Born October 29, 2012 at 1:22 pm

6 pounds 15 ounces, 20 inches

 

And yes he is more than 3 months old now (I know bad Aunt C).  He is such a sweet angel baby...content, joyful, already a little heart breaker.  And again our hearts overflow with love and thanksgiving.  We are once again reminded of how great God's faithfulness truly is.  It never ceases to amaze me. 

"For you created my inmost being, you knit me together in my mother’s womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made..." Psalm 139:13-14

For the people, by the people...

A few years ago I read a book.  I can't remember how I found it, if it was a friend that passed it along or if I just happened to stumble upon it, but either way at the time I had no idea the impact it would have on my life (and numerous other lives as well).  What I do remember is how refreshing I found it.  In a world full of fluffy religious books, this one was honest, personal, and full of relatable experiences.  The book was Blue Like Jazz: Nonreligious Thoughts on Christian Spirituality...I was instantly drawn into Donald Miller's world and have been captivated by his ability to tell a beautiful story ever since. 

A couple of years ago I heard the book was being made into a movie.  Little did I know that by the time I heard about it, it was almost too late.  I remember reading on Don's blog that the movie wasn't going to be made because of funding issues and then finding the Kickstarter website started by a couple of guys trying to save it.  Money was tight but I felt so strongly about getting this story told that I knew I had to get involved.  So I donated, and after a month of other people like me chipping in, the movie was saved.  Since then I have watched (and read about) the tireless amount of dedication and hard work it took to get this wonderful book turned into a story worthy of its big screen debut.  As the release date approached I grew more and more excited about this fan-funded project.  I was so proud to be involved with making something happen that can potentially change people's lives.  But I will admit I was a little nervous to see how it would be received by people who hadn't been a part of this journey.  I knew that regardless of what other people thought or said, I still had to see it for myself. 

Last night I did just that, and I was certainly not disappointed.  A movie about a guy coming to grips with a faith he tried so hard to deny.  It was funny, poignant, relatable, and unabashedly honest.  Everything I loved so much about the book made it into the somewhat fictionalized version on the screen.  I laughed at the portrayal of a stereotypical Texan out of his comfort zone and cried at the very moving conversation in the confession booth.  For me the confession scene is what the whole movie was all about.  It put into words better than I can how real it is to struggle with and accept something you don't always understand.  

As a Christian who has struggled with her faith through the years, there was so much I could relate to.  The desire to fit in, the yearning to find the place you belong, and the shame of trying to hide who you are.  I've been there, and even though I haven't done exactly the same things, I am guilty of trying to be someone I'm not.  It's ok to struggle.  It's ok to want to fit in.  And it's also ok to be a Christian who struggles and wants to fit in. 

I hope this movie can speak to people the way the book spoke to me all those years ago.  I hope that people see it as something other than a Christian film or a movie about God.  I hope that it helps people write new stories full of love and forgiveness.

I am so privileged to have it as part of my story.

"Sometimes you have to watch somebody love something, before you can love it yourself."
www.bluelikejazzthemovie.com

Breaking up is hard to do...

Breakups suck...let's just get that out in the open right now.  They are awkward, painful, and often leave you wondering what exactly went wrong.  We (ladies) usually spend way too much time replaying and over-analyzing every little detail in our heads...kinda crazy really!  But for the past few weeks a lot of people (mostly men actually) have been paying close attention to a big time breakup happening right here in Texas.

That's right, I'm talking about Texas A&M's divorce from the Big 12.  Now I know, I'm an Aggie, so my stance is probably biased right?  Give me a chance to explain...you just might be surprised!

Last summer the internet blew up with rumors of Mizzou bolting for the Big 10.  People were speculating left and right...who would go where, would the Big 12 survive...you name it and there is probably an article about it somewhere.  When all was said and done, Nebraska and Colorado went their separate ways, leaving behind a 10 team conference "held together" by the promise of more money for everyone and better tv deals.  And all was right in the world again...or was it?

Fast forward a year later and here we are again...on the brink of another team leaving a conference that was once regarded as one of the best in the country.  But this time it's my team. 

I remember sitting at my desk a few weeks ago when seemingly out of nowhere my twitter feed went crazy with rumors that A&M was once again negotiating with the SEC.  Huh?  Didn't we just do this?  Talk about deja vu.   

Now here's where it gets ugly...the reason for the breakup.

I have read A LOT of articles lately and there are a lot of opinions floating around about what the final straw was for A&M.  Some will say it's the Longhorn Network, others chalk it up to jealousy...maybe it's a combination of both, or maybe there's more to it than the burnt orange and white down the road.  It is possible that no one will ever own up to the real reason(s) for the split...it's always easier to deflect the blame onto someone else anyway.  It's not you it's me, right?  Right.

Here's what I know...I was raised to be a Longhorn by parents, aunts, uncles, and cousins that all proudly hailed from the school down in Austin.  And as a kid I loved it.  I also didn't know much else.  Sure I knew there was a school of Horned Frogs in my town...and some Bears down the road...but nothing even held a candle to the Longhorns.  That was until I realized that maybe it wasn't for me.  Back then it had nothing to do with sports either, it was more about finding a place where I fit the best.  And for me that place was in College Station...at a school I should've snubbed my nose at based on the name alone.  Lucky for me I had parents who wanted the best for their kids, no matter what.  It wasn't until I was fully immersed in the Aggie culture and traditions that I truly became a college sports fan.  Not that I had much to cheer for, we were pretty mediocre (bad) at football during my 5 years at A&M.  But I yelled anyway.  And I stood to support my team.  All the while trying to respect the achievements of our rivals in Austin (with the exception of games played around Thanksgiving every year).

For the most part I think I was pretty fair...I was ok with being in a conference that sent a team to the national championship game every couple of years.  At least that's what I told myself anyway.  And for a while that logic was ok...but then the playing field changed. 

It wasn't until Nebraska and Colorado left that I realized the problems we were facing.  Or maybe I just chose to ignore them as long as I could.  Sure there were 2 schools (yes I said 2) that got most of the attention in our conference, but isn't that because they were winning?  And isn't that how it should be?  That's what I thought anyway. But it seems over the past few years things have started to change. Teams have been thrust into the spotlight for a number of reasons that don't involve winning games (see North Carolina and Miami).  There are also the teams that choose to have the spotlight shine on them.  And I think this is where the bigger problem comes into play. 

We all want to be the best (whether we openly admit it or not).  Constantly having the spotlight shine on someone else gets old and sometimes we do things, smart or otherwise, to bring it back to us.  What this has meant lately is instead of trying to maintain strong traditions and build upon the relationships at your disposal, you decide to look out for #1.  This doesn't just apply to Texas (and their network) either.  Nebraska and Colorado were looking out for themselves when they decided to leave last year...they both wanted a bigger piece of the spotlight.  And the same can be said for A&M this year as well.  We feel like it's our time to shine...take our talents to a place where we feel they'll be more appreciated.  Note I didn't say more prominent.

So who's really to blame?  That's what we're all looking for isn't it?  Someone to blame it on.  Something that makes us feel better about things not working out the way we hoped they would.  Most won't admit that this divorce is going to be painful, but it is, especially if losing our rivalry with the Longhorns is a side effect.  And like any couple that splits, we'll both move on with our lives.  But it doesn't mean that occasionally we won't look back longingly and wonder what could've been if things were different. 

With that said I am proud to be an Aggie and wholeheartedly support the decisions being made.  I am both excited and scared for the road ahead, it will be an uphill battle and I hope that we can step up to the plate.  All I have left to say is I can't wait for the road trips!!

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for...

Most of you who know me probably know that my favorite guilty pleasure is a little reality tv franchise known as The Bachelor (and also The Bachelorette and Bachelor Pad).  For some reason, even though I know it usually doesn't work out in the end, I just can't stop watching.  I confess that I did miss the first couple of seasons (and possibly one or two others along the way...cough cough Byron), but for the most part I am a loyal viewer. 

Now if you know me well then you probably also know that I am a bit of a skeptic when it comes to fairytale endings in real life.  Some may call that being bitter or cynical, but I prefer to think of it as being a realist.  Hear me out before you navigate away...even a skeptic can be proven wrong every now and again. 

So on Monday night I was actually quite annoyed with myself because I forgot to set up my DVR to record the current season of Bachelor Pad (little did I know the best part was yet to come).  I flipped over just in time to see Chris Harrison announce that 2 girls would be eliminated this week and the ensuing strategy/drama as a result of this shocking announcement.  At the rose ceremony we all knew it would come down to either Ella or Jackie getting the boot (yes I am actually blogging about this show)...and luckily Ella made a last minute alliance that kept her safe for one more week.  Alas, it was Jackie who had to leave.  And for those of you who haven't been watching this season Jackie had been getting to know sweet Ames while in the house of crazy.  What happened after she learned she would be leaving shocked me (in a good way) and was possibly the best/sweetest/most romantic thing I've ever seen on any season of The Bachelor franchise.  That's saying a lot after 15 seasons of the Bachelor, 7 seasons of The Bachelorette and 1 season of Bachelor Pad.  The clip below speaks for itself...I know it's a little long, but watch and I promise you'll know what I'm talking about.

When I first saw Ames on the most recent season of The Bachelorette, he seemed like a very smart but very vanilla guy.  And then as he started getting more camera time I grew to love his charm and clever wit, he really was quite funny.  So I was a bit surprised when I learned he was going to be on Bachelor Pad...because let's be honest, nice people don't really stand much of a chance on that show.  And as I watched the scene above unfold on Monday night, it made me realize that maybe there are knights in shining armor still out there.  I've watched it a couple of times since then as well (is that weird?) and I can barely hold back the tears. 

Tears.  Over a silly reality tv show.  But it isn't the show that got to me, it's the fact that deep down we all (women) want what we claim not to need.  A man who loves us and is willing to fight, or in this case give up a shot at $250k, for us.  And to be honest I don't think there's anything wrong with that. 

So thanks for the reminder Ames...even this skeptic was convinced (if only for a moment) that there is someone out there willing to fight for me.  Until then I'll be patiently waiting for my red pants wearing knight in shining armor. 

"I have run, I have crawled, I have scaled these city walls, these city walls, only to be with you...but I still haven't found what I'm looking for..." U2

This modern love, is not enough...

2 posts in one week...really?  Who am I?   It is quite possible that due to intense summer heat I may be a little crazier than usual...or maybe I'm just stir crazy! 

A few evenings over the past couple of weeks I have spent some time looking for new and interesting blogs to read online.  I stumbled upon some that have literally brought me to tears and others that have given me a lot to think about.  I tend to find what people have to say very interesting (I've always loved to read).  It can be so very personal and yet most are willing to share with anyone who cares to read it. 

I have become especially fond of reading tidbits from one of my favorite authors, Don Miller.  Over the past 6 years or so I have read most, if not all, of his published books...even read some of them a couple of times.  But it wasn't until recently that I discovered his blog/website.  I assumed he, like most authors, had a website where you could find info on his next speaking engagement or list of books he's written.  What I found was something so much more direct and personal.  And I really appreciate that because I've always found his books to be very relatable, at least to me and my life anyway. 

As I was scrolling through some of his previous posts I came across one about a list his fiancee had once put together of all the things she was looking for in a man.  So of course I had to read it.  People always talk about these magical lists, but before that I'm not sure I'd ever seen anyone's personal list.  And as much as I like to think I keep a running list in my head, I had never actually taken the time to put it on paper.  But after reading through his post and her list I felt like it was something I really needed to do.  Sounds pretty silly right? 

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that there's nothing wrong with having a list of qualities you think a man should possess.  I hope that a man would also find it ok to have this same type of list for a woman.  To put it in Don Miller's words, "What is great about creating a list like this is it gives a single person a filter through which to weed out candidates that don’t fit."  Amen.  Needless to say I started a list.  Largely based off what his fiancee had written for herself...I found that we had a lot of similarities in what we were both looking for, and it was a great place to start.  Scary as it is, I am putting it out there for everyone to see.  Maybe it will help people understand why I have never been one to simply date someone for the sake of going on dates.  Some call it picky, I call it taking my time.  Without further ado... 

The List:

I want someone who…

- loves God with his whole heart

- loves his family (and mine)

- wants to talk to me every day, 30 times a day if that’s what he/I need

- can’t wait to see me again

- is always thinking about me

- surprises me, in good ways from the little to the big

- plans dates for me

- follows through on what he says he’s going to do

- is consistent in his actions and behavior

- doesn’t disappear

- reassures me of his feelings for me with his actions and words

- wants the whole world to know how he feels about me, isn’t afraid to show it or say it

- puts me first, after God

- is not afraid of my sensitivities, scars and brokenness but wants to be a part of healing them

- always makes time for me no matter what else is going on

- pursues me

- isn’t afraid to challenge me

- makes me laugh and can find joy in the simple things

Simple enough right?  Sure...28 years in and still waiting for God to reveal that person to me.  But I know he will be worth every second of the wait!  And with that...I leave you for the night.  I hope that you know you deserve someone that meets all of the criteria on your list!

Let's see how far we've come...

I really meant to post this a few weeks ago, but things have been a little chaotic lately and well...at least I'm doing it now!

June 25th was a big (and busy) Saturday for me.  It started off with a 1st birthday party celebrating the cutest baby in the whole world...not that I'm biased at all! 

I mean how can you not love that face?  The party was full of family and friends celebrating a little girl that is more loved than she yet knows.  Watching her grow and being a part of her story has given me such joy over the past year. 

After the party it was time for lunch (yes the party was at 10 am).  Because it was a special weekend, high school reunion and all, one of our friends was nice enough to organize a lunch with a few of us that have grown up together and one very special guest. 

12 1/2 years ago we lost a sweet friend.  And so as we gathered together to celebrate 10 years full of college, careers, and family, it seemed only right to include someone whose son should have been there with us, and certainly was in spirit.  It was truly great to see everyone "all grown up".  Though it didn't really feel like much time had passed at all.  Funny how we all come back together and things seem to pick up right where they left off.  One of the things I love about these people.

Even though it was only a brief time together, it was so nice to catch up and laugh and share stories from our lives. 

After lunch I rushed home to shower, do my hair, get dressed and head over to the Kinson casa for a little pre-reunion get together.  I had organized some time for a group of us to hang out and catch up before the big shin-dig.  And I am so glad we made it happen, it was one of the many highlights of the day. 

The reunion itself was a lot more fun than I expected it to be.  Perhaps I had somewhat low expectations going in, or maybe I had just been so busy earlier in the day that I didn't have time to over-think it all.  Either way, I had a great time!  For the most part people seemed to have moved past the high school gossipy ways...which I was very thankful for...and all in all it was lovely to hang out with people I hadn't seen in far too long. 

Overall a pretty fantastic day.  Definitely worth a bruised knee and lost voice the next day.  I can't wait to see what God has in store for me and my family and friends over the next 10 years...one day at a time!