You pull me closer to love...

It's funny as you head into your late 20's the way people view being single.  Its almost like they see it as less of a choice and more of a desperate situation.  Which I just find amusing really.  That's not to say some people in their mid to late 20's wouldn't rather be in a relationship, but it doesn't mean that all of us are sitting around miserable because we aren't.  I've gotten asked (more times than I can count) why I'm still single or why I don't really date much.  What am I supposed to say to this?  There's the expected "I just haven't found the right person yet" or the "it'll happen when it's supposed to"...why not say "I just haven't felt like I'm missing out on anything by being single"?  Who wants to hear you say,"I've been hurt so many times I just don't want to risk it right now?"  Neither of those are the answers people expect.  And I know they're just trying to be reassuring, but sometimes it's just really frustrating. 

I get it.  I'm 27, single, and I live in Texas.  In Denver it was much less noticeable amidst a sea of young, single people.   Maybe that's why I never really let the questions get to me.  Or was never really that concerned about my love (or lack there of) life.  But now it seems to be a hot topic of discussion.  And I get that too...a lot of my friends are getting married and having babies...which is great, I'm just not there yet. 

That's not to say I don't want all of those things someday...I do...but I'm not worried that it hasn't happened yet.  I've had some great opportunities that I may not have taken advantage of if I was married or trying to start a family.  I wouldn't trade my two years in Denver or my ability to change jobs and move around the country for anything.  I've loved it.  Doesn't mean there haven't been parts of my journey that would've been nice to share with someone, or that I didn't have love and hurt along the way...it's just a part of my story.  A story that is still being written and is by no means lacking in the love department.  I have an awesome family and great friends that have provided me with so much love over the years that I haven't really had a void to fill. 

The best part is I feel like all of the experiences I've had along the way have made me so much more open to loving someone and being loved in return.  All the hurts, hangups, and risks have brought me where I am today.  And I wouldn't change any of it. 

"Oh it's your light, oh it's your way, pull me out of the dark just to show me the way, cryin' out now from so far away...you pull me closer to love, closer to love..." Mat Kearney

Bags fly free?

I know it's been a while since I've written...been in somewhat of a blogging drought I suppose.  That or I have too many things running around in my head to sort into words.  Probably more of the latter these days. 

It's been a weird couple of months to say the least.  And somehow it seems in the blink of an eye time has come and gone yet again.  How has it already been four months since precious Ellery was born?  And almost three without Granny?  Isn't it strange that no matter how frozen we may be in a moment, life continues to swirl all around us?  If only there was a way to stop it...even just briefly.  Clearly I know this is impossible and probably silly to even think about...but you can't blame a girl for dreaming. 

What I've been realizing lately is that we all carry baggage with us.  It comes in different shapes, sizes, colors, weights, etc...but we all have it.  Some people might consider them scars more than baggage, war wounds if you will, but I think it's pretty much all the same.  And it can be anything.  Doesn't have to be a bad relationship with an ex or a family member necessarily...it can be something as simple as losing someone you love or losing a job or moving across the country.  It isn't always bad baggage either. 

The question becomes...is there such a thing as too much baggage?  Or as we get older do we get charged for the extra baggage we accumulate?  Maybe its evaluated on a person by person basis...some baggage outweighs others depending on what we can each handle...there shouldn't be an automatic scale that charges you extra once you exceed fifty pounds.  I know for me there are types of baggage I may not be prepared to handle...and probably baggage I carry around with me that other people may not be capable of handling, but I like to think that I wouldn't immediately evaluate a person based on what kind or how much baggage someone has. 

But what I've really begun to understand is that these scars make us more beautiful. The damage done by love, loss, and life turns us into these weathered, weary people that shouldn't be afraid to show off what we've been through.  Embrace the imperfections...be honest about who we are and the mistakes we've made...love that in our weaknesses we are made stronger. 

Most importantly, just love.  Its the things we carry that make us who we are and in my opinion more lovable.

"We love because He first loved us." 1 John 4:19