I'm not really sure where to start tonight, but I just felt like I had to write for some reason. Is that weird? I would love to say that so much has been going on in my life lately, but that's not really the case either.
I guess I'll just talk about what's been on my heart recently. Not an easy thing to do right now.
So every week I have to make at least 5 job contacts to be eligible for unemployment. Doesn't seem like a lot but there are some weeks where I just apply for random stuff b/c there's nothing that peaks my interest. And sometimes the jobs I apply for are in places I think I'd like to live. Like Seattle for instance. Which apparently seems pretty odd to some people...but then again so did Denver 2 years ago. And honestly those are the jobs I don't expect to ever hear from...especially since I apply with my Denver resume. Because there are so many unemployed people in the country right now companies don't have to search far and wide to find a plethora of qualified candidates. Anyway...a few weeks ago I applied for a job in the Seattle area with an energy company...thinking like always that it would count as a contact but that would be the end of it. Much to my surprise it wasn't. Long story short I had a phone interview with the company on my 26th birthday and a couple of days later they called me back to tell me they wanted to fly me up for an in person interview. I seriously thought about laughing and saying thanks but no thanks. But then I thought why not? What if this is the job I've been waiting for? I mean I've applied for a lot of jobs and heard nothing, so why turn down an opportunity that doesn't come along very often?
And it was then that I realized I didn't know how to tell my family. It was hard enough to tell them about moving to Denver...and that's a drivable distance from Texas. But it's not like I've been offered the job and I am moving...it's just an interview. Granted it's not the cheapest of interviews since I am traveling...but the same thing applies when I find jobs in Austin or in other non-Denver cities that I want. And I wanted to tell everyone together...not one person at a time or even before the wedding we attended b/c I didn't want it to be the hot topic of discussion the whole time I was home. Maybe that's selfish of me. But I honestly thought I was doing a good thing. Though I think I already knew what their reactions would be. Disbelief. Disappointment. Deception. All of it.
But the hardest thing to deal with has been the question of my happiness. Which never really crossed my mind as a factor before then. And it was a huge factor in my leaving Dallas...I was unhappy. With my job, with myself, with a lot of things. That's not to say that I didn't love some aspects of my life there, it's just that the bad outweighed the good. And I know my move to Denver was selfish. It was all about me...I felt like I needed to start over again. Prove to myself I could do it all on my own. Be a grown up. Something along those lines. But just because I've thought about moving again doesn't mean I'm unhappy here. I love Denver. I love the life I've built here. Does that mean it's the right place for me at this point in time? I don't know. I do know that I made a promise to myself when I got laid off that I wouldn't take a job just to have one (unless of course I really had to)...and also a promise to be faithful in knowing that God has the right job out there for me. And in reality that job may not be in Denver.
I can't sit here and say that it doesn't scare me...but that fear applies to jobs in Texas as well as Seattle. The fear is quite different in those situations though. With Texas it's a fear of giving up and moving back...with Seattle it's a fear of starting all over again in a city I'm relatively unfamiliar with. But it's also exciting. There may not be another time in my life when I can move around as freely as I can now. Getting to explore a new place and add on to a life I am so blessed to be living. Does that make sense?
It doesn't mean that I will take the job if I feel like it's not the right one for me. It doesn't mean I'm not still applying to jobs in Denver. I definitely am. I want to be where God wants me to be. And if that's in Seattle then is that really so bad? What could be better than following the path God has paved for me?
The way I see it right now is this: there are so many jobs out there that I've applied for, some I've even interviewed for, that haven't worked out...and then this one comes along and they actually called me back...and they're even willing to fly me to Seattle for an interview. I have prayed and prayed that God would bring me the right job and not let my fear get in the way. That even if it's something I may not think I want to do, I would give it a chance if it felt right. And really that's where my heart is. Not concerned about the details of why or how or when. I am relying on faith for those answers.
So as I travel to Seattle this weekend for yet another interview, I can't help but wonder is this the job for me? Is this where God wants me to be? I hope that if it is, I won't be afraid to take a leap of faith and try something new again.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
A non-traditional love story...
So yesterday mom and I went to see 500 Days of Summer. And I will tell you now that if you haven't seen it yet, there are some spoilers ahead!
I guess I knew going into it that it wasn't going be a traditional romantic comedy where things end in happily ever after...at least not what we've grown up thinking is happily ever after...you know the "Walt Disney" version. And to be honest...it was refreshing! I loved that the "narrator" (for lack of a better term) even warns you that it's not a story of boy meets girl.
It's funny that as we grow up (and this probably applies mostly to little girls) we watch movies that make us believe in fairytales. And we begin to form these ideals about how life is supposed to turn out...in a world that makes falling in love seem so easy, almost magical. But it's not. It's complicated. At least for the large majority of us it is. I think Summer says it best in the movie...Tom asks her why her past relationships haven't worked out and she simply replies that life got in the way. Or something along those lines. And it's so true!
What I loved most about the movie is even though they don't end up together, they are both better off because of each other. I know that sometimes we don't see things this way when something we thought would last comes to an end...and there are definitely those relationships that take a long time to get over...but I think each person leaves a special mark on our lives. Sadly, it may not always be something positive...there are people that do more damage than good...but it's all a part of who we are. And you have to learn to appreciate it for what it was. Even if it was only a brief glimpse of something great. Even if it ended in heartache. Even if it caused you to question love.
At least that's how I feel about it anyway. It is better to have tried and failed than to never have tried at all. To put yourself completely out there only to be rejected. It may hurt at the time, but nothing worth having is ever easily achieved.
And with that, if you choose to watch this non-traditional love story, I hope you can appreciate it for what it is, and not wish it's something it's not.
I guess I knew going into it that it wasn't going be a traditional romantic comedy where things end in happily ever after...at least not what we've grown up thinking is happily ever after...you know the "Walt Disney" version. And to be honest...it was refreshing! I loved that the "narrator" (for lack of a better term) even warns you that it's not a story of boy meets girl.
It's funny that as we grow up (and this probably applies mostly to little girls) we watch movies that make us believe in fairytales. And we begin to form these ideals about how life is supposed to turn out...in a world that makes falling in love seem so easy, almost magical. But it's not. It's complicated. At least for the large majority of us it is. I think Summer says it best in the movie...Tom asks her why her past relationships haven't worked out and she simply replies that life got in the way. Or something along those lines. And it's so true!
What I loved most about the movie is even though they don't end up together, they are both better off because of each other. I know that sometimes we don't see things this way when something we thought would last comes to an end...and there are definitely those relationships that take a long time to get over...but I think each person leaves a special mark on our lives. Sadly, it may not always be something positive...there are people that do more damage than good...but it's all a part of who we are. And you have to learn to appreciate it for what it was. Even if it was only a brief glimpse of something great. Even if it ended in heartache. Even if it caused you to question love.
At least that's how I feel about it anyway. It is better to have tried and failed than to never have tried at all. To put yourself completely out there only to be rejected. It may hurt at the time, but nothing worth having is ever easily achieved.
And with that, if you choose to watch this non-traditional love story, I hope you can appreciate it for what it is, and not wish it's something it's not.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Music & Lyrics
I know that my blog title is also conveniently the name for a cheesy romantic comedy, but it seems appropriate for today.
Now I can't say that I've always been a music fanatic...and by no means do I consider myself to be some sort of musical expert or even someone who finds the new artists before they become big names (although it happens on occasion)...but I will say this...I LOVE music! I always wanted to be "musically inclined" and be able to sing or play an instrument...but I truly believe my lack of musical ability has only increased my appreciation for the beauty of the art. I did attempt to learn to play the guitar once...I think I managed a few chords from Green Day's "Time of your Life"...but that was as far as I got.
Anyway...to me the best part of music is the lyrics. I think (for the most part) that is how I truly fall in love with an artist. Many people don't understand or agree with my obsession with the band Lifehouse for instance...but man are their lyrics powerful. And beautiful...and simple...all at the same time. There are other artists I love listening to simply because they have a nice voice or can write songs with great melodies that become very catchy. But there is nothing that moves me more than a beautifully crafted lyric.
Hence the title of my blog actually. "I am damaged at best..." is a lyric from the song Broken below. One of my absolute favorite songs...because the lyrics are so real and personal, at least to me. And let's face it...we are all damaged in some way or another and it's all part of who we are...sometimes it's just scary to admit. Sometimes I think we try to hide the damaged or broken parts for fear that when people discover them, they will run screaming for the hills or something. But I think it's what makes each of us beautiful. We are a broken people...have been ever since the fall of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. It's simple, but it's the truth.
It is really hard for me to say which is the most meaningful lyric from the song though, there are so many that I relate to. I think another favorite would definitely have to be "in your name, I find meaning...". And to each person this lyric signifies different things, I think it's all a matter of how you interpret what they're saying. The "your" in this lyric could be anything or anyone depending on how you choose to define yourself. But to me, this lyric is perfection. Because the way I see it, it is in God that I find meaning. Apart from Him, I am nothing. And there again is a simple truth.
There is another lyric that recently caught my attention. It's from Mat Kearney's Closer to Love (which is the first song on my playlist below). And it is this,"I guess we're all one phone call from our knees." The more I hear it, the more I appreciate what it means to me. You never know when you're going to get the "call" that could forever change the course of your life. Or at least the course you've set. Two recent "life altering" instances come to mind when I hear this line. The first being the infamous phone call I received from an HR person on St. Patty's Day 2009. It was the layoff call. The call no one ever really expects to get and certainly doesn't want. The call that knocked me off my feet to say the least. And the other is a call that was supposed to bring great joy, but instead brought great sorrow. The call I was expecting but the news I was not. Beth and Shelby know which call I'm referring to all too well. For it is their lives that were forever changed that day. But it was that call that brought me to my knees. Literally.
The thing that gets me with this lyric is it's so honest. And again so simple. All it takes is one call, one email, one text message, or even one status update. Our lives can change just that quickly...without warning. Which is also the beauty of it. It's hard to see the light when the tunnel is so dark. But that doesn't mean you've lost your way...it just means your way may not have been the right way or the best way. It is definitely hard to see the beauty of God's plan when you're in the midst of a struggle...but I love being able to look back and know that my plans were so futile compared to God's. Often times it's laughable.
There are so many more lyrics I could pull out and relate to my life...but I think I'll save those for another time. Until then I'll just keep listening and appreciating the simplicity of beautifully written lyrics (and the music they create).
Now I can't say that I've always been a music fanatic...and by no means do I consider myself to be some sort of musical expert or even someone who finds the new artists before they become big names (although it happens on occasion)...but I will say this...I LOVE music! I always wanted to be "musically inclined" and be able to sing or play an instrument...but I truly believe my lack of musical ability has only increased my appreciation for the beauty of the art. I did attempt to learn to play the guitar once...I think I managed a few chords from Green Day's "Time of your Life"...but that was as far as I got.
Anyway...to me the best part of music is the lyrics. I think (for the most part) that is how I truly fall in love with an artist. Many people don't understand or agree with my obsession with the band Lifehouse for instance...but man are their lyrics powerful. And beautiful...and simple...all at the same time. There are other artists I love listening to simply because they have a nice voice or can write songs with great melodies that become very catchy. But there is nothing that moves me more than a beautifully crafted lyric.
Hence the title of my blog actually. "I am damaged at best..." is a lyric from the song Broken below. One of my absolute favorite songs...because the lyrics are so real and personal, at least to me. And let's face it...we are all damaged in some way or another and it's all part of who we are...sometimes it's just scary to admit. Sometimes I think we try to hide the damaged or broken parts for fear that when people discover them, they will run screaming for the hills or something. But I think it's what makes each of us beautiful. We are a broken people...have been ever since the fall of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. It's simple, but it's the truth.
It is really hard for me to say which is the most meaningful lyric from the song though, there are so many that I relate to. I think another favorite would definitely have to be "in your name, I find meaning...". And to each person this lyric signifies different things, I think it's all a matter of how you interpret what they're saying. The "your" in this lyric could be anything or anyone depending on how you choose to define yourself. But to me, this lyric is perfection. Because the way I see it, it is in God that I find meaning. Apart from Him, I am nothing. And there again is a simple truth.
There is another lyric that recently caught my attention. It's from Mat Kearney's Closer to Love (which is the first song on my playlist below). And it is this,"I guess we're all one phone call from our knees." The more I hear it, the more I appreciate what it means to me. You never know when you're going to get the "call" that could forever change the course of your life. Or at least the course you've set. Two recent "life altering" instances come to mind when I hear this line. The first being the infamous phone call I received from an HR person on St. Patty's Day 2009. It was the layoff call. The call no one ever really expects to get and certainly doesn't want. The call that knocked me off my feet to say the least. And the other is a call that was supposed to bring great joy, but instead brought great sorrow. The call I was expecting but the news I was not. Beth and Shelby know which call I'm referring to all too well. For it is their lives that were forever changed that day. But it was that call that brought me to my knees. Literally.
The thing that gets me with this lyric is it's so honest. And again so simple. All it takes is one call, one email, one text message, or even one status update. Our lives can change just that quickly...without warning. Which is also the beauty of it. It's hard to see the light when the tunnel is so dark. But that doesn't mean you've lost your way...it just means your way may not have been the right way or the best way. It is definitely hard to see the beauty of God's plan when you're in the midst of a struggle...but I love being able to look back and know that my plans were so futile compared to God's. Often times it's laughable.
There are so many more lyrics I could pull out and relate to my life...but I think I'll save those for another time. Until then I'll just keep listening and appreciating the simplicity of beautifully written lyrics (and the music they create).
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
The beginning...
Well I guess this is the beginning of an experiment more or less. That or maybe it's just my attempt to keep up with the trends. Either way, you'll have to bear with me as I try to fit my thoughts into a blog. And no I don't think my thoughts are so important that people should be reading them, but lately I have just felt the need to write them down (or type them out).
Maybe that's what happens when your life changes unexpectedly. You become so overwhelmed by everything going on that you just need a place to vent, talk, whatever...
So that's what this is in a nutshell...a place for my rambling thoughts. They probably won't be profound or life changing, at least not for those of you who choose to read this...but I am putting them out there anyway. And I would love comments. It's always nice to have someone else's perspective on the happenings in your life. Or the lack of happenings as the case may be.
With that, all I have left to say (for now) is enjoy! :)
Maybe that's what happens when your life changes unexpectedly. You become so overwhelmed by everything going on that you just need a place to vent, talk, whatever...
So that's what this is in a nutshell...a place for my rambling thoughts. They probably won't be profound or life changing, at least not for those of you who choose to read this...but I am putting them out there anyway. And I would love comments. It's always nice to have someone else's perspective on the happenings in your life. Or the lack of happenings as the case may be.
With that, all I have left to say (for now) is enjoy! :)
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