Breaking up is hard to do...

Breakups suck...let's just get that out in the open right now.  They are awkward, painful, and often leave you wondering what exactly went wrong.  We (ladies) usually spend way too much time replaying and over-analyzing every little detail in our heads...kinda crazy really!  But for the past few weeks a lot of people (mostly men actually) have been paying close attention to a big time breakup happening right here in Texas.

That's right, I'm talking about Texas A&M's divorce from the Big 12.  Now I know, I'm an Aggie, so my stance is probably biased right?  Give me a chance to explain...you just might be surprised!

Last summer the internet blew up with rumors of Mizzou bolting for the Big 10.  People were speculating left and right...who would go where, would the Big 12 survive...you name it and there is probably an article about it somewhere.  When all was said and done, Nebraska and Colorado went their separate ways, leaving behind a 10 team conference "held together" by the promise of more money for everyone and better tv deals.  And all was right in the world again...or was it?

Fast forward a year later and here we are again...on the brink of another team leaving a conference that was once regarded as one of the best in the country.  But this time it's my team. 

I remember sitting at my desk a few weeks ago when seemingly out of nowhere my twitter feed went crazy with rumors that A&M was once again negotiating with the SEC.  Huh?  Didn't we just do this?  Talk about deja vu.   

Now here's where it gets ugly...the reason for the breakup.

I have read A LOT of articles lately and there are a lot of opinions floating around about what the final straw was for A&M.  Some will say it's the Longhorn Network, others chalk it up to jealousy...maybe it's a combination of both, or maybe there's more to it than the burnt orange and white down the road.  It is possible that no one will ever own up to the real reason(s) for the split...it's always easier to deflect the blame onto someone else anyway.  It's not you it's me, right?  Right.

Here's what I know...I was raised to be a Longhorn by parents, aunts, uncles, and cousins that all proudly hailed from the school down in Austin.  And as a kid I loved it.  I also didn't know much else.  Sure I knew there was a school of Horned Frogs in my town...and some Bears down the road...but nothing even held a candle to the Longhorns.  That was until I realized that maybe it wasn't for me.  Back then it had nothing to do with sports either, it was more about finding a place where I fit the best.  And for me that place was in College Station...at a school I should've snubbed my nose at based on the name alone.  Lucky for me I had parents who wanted the best for their kids, no matter what.  It wasn't until I was fully immersed in the Aggie culture and traditions that I truly became a college sports fan.  Not that I had much to cheer for, we were pretty mediocre (bad) at football during my 5 years at A&M.  But I yelled anyway.  And I stood to support my team.  All the while trying to respect the achievements of our rivals in Austin (with the exception of games played around Thanksgiving every year).

For the most part I think I was pretty fair...I was ok with being in a conference that sent a team to the national championship game every couple of years.  At least that's what I told myself anyway.  And for a while that logic was ok...but then the playing field changed. 

It wasn't until Nebraska and Colorado left that I realized the problems we were facing.  Or maybe I just chose to ignore them as long as I could.  Sure there were 2 schools (yes I said 2) that got most of the attention in our conference, but isn't that because they were winning?  And isn't that how it should be?  That's what I thought anyway. But it seems over the past few years things have started to change. Teams have been thrust into the spotlight for a number of reasons that don't involve winning games (see North Carolina and Miami).  There are also the teams that choose to have the spotlight shine on them.  And I think this is where the bigger problem comes into play. 

We all want to be the best (whether we openly admit it or not).  Constantly having the spotlight shine on someone else gets old and sometimes we do things, smart or otherwise, to bring it back to us.  What this has meant lately is instead of trying to maintain strong traditions and build upon the relationships at your disposal, you decide to look out for #1.  This doesn't just apply to Texas (and their network) either.  Nebraska and Colorado were looking out for themselves when they decided to leave last year...they both wanted a bigger piece of the spotlight.  And the same can be said for A&M this year as well.  We feel like it's our time to shine...take our talents to a place where we feel they'll be more appreciated.  Note I didn't say more prominent.

So who's really to blame?  That's what we're all looking for isn't it?  Someone to blame it on.  Something that makes us feel better about things not working out the way we hoped they would.  Most won't admit that this divorce is going to be painful, but it is, especially if losing our rivalry with the Longhorns is a side effect.  And like any couple that splits, we'll both move on with our lives.  But it doesn't mean that occasionally we won't look back longingly and wonder what could've been if things were different. 

With that said I am proud to be an Aggie and wholeheartedly support the decisions being made.  I am both excited and scared for the road ahead, it will be an uphill battle and I hope that we can step up to the plate.  All I have left to say is I can't wait for the road trips!!

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for...

Most of you who know me probably know that my favorite guilty pleasure is a little reality tv franchise known as The Bachelor (and also The Bachelorette and Bachelor Pad).  For some reason, even though I know it usually doesn't work out in the end, I just can't stop watching.  I confess that I did miss the first couple of seasons (and possibly one or two others along the way...cough cough Byron), but for the most part I am a loyal viewer. 

Now if you know me well then you probably also know that I am a bit of a skeptic when it comes to fairytale endings in real life.  Some may call that being bitter or cynical, but I prefer to think of it as being a realist.  Hear me out before you navigate away...even a skeptic can be proven wrong every now and again. 

So on Monday night I was actually quite annoyed with myself because I forgot to set up my DVR to record the current season of Bachelor Pad (little did I know the best part was yet to come).  I flipped over just in time to see Chris Harrison announce that 2 girls would be eliminated this week and the ensuing strategy/drama as a result of this shocking announcement.  At the rose ceremony we all knew it would come down to either Ella or Jackie getting the boot (yes I am actually blogging about this show)...and luckily Ella made a last minute alliance that kept her safe for one more week.  Alas, it was Jackie who had to leave.  And for those of you who haven't been watching this season Jackie had been getting to know sweet Ames while in the house of crazy.  What happened after she learned she would be leaving shocked me (in a good way) and was possibly the best/sweetest/most romantic thing I've ever seen on any season of The Bachelor franchise.  That's saying a lot after 15 seasons of the Bachelor, 7 seasons of The Bachelorette and 1 season of Bachelor Pad.  The clip below speaks for itself...I know it's a little long, but watch and I promise you'll know what I'm talking about.

When I first saw Ames on the most recent season of The Bachelorette, he seemed like a very smart but very vanilla guy.  And then as he started getting more camera time I grew to love his charm and clever wit, he really was quite funny.  So I was a bit surprised when I learned he was going to be on Bachelor Pad...because let's be honest, nice people don't really stand much of a chance on that show.  And as I watched the scene above unfold on Monday night, it made me realize that maybe there are knights in shining armor still out there.  I've watched it a couple of times since then as well (is that weird?) and I can barely hold back the tears. 

Tears.  Over a silly reality tv show.  But it isn't the show that got to me, it's the fact that deep down we all (women) want what we claim not to need.  A man who loves us and is willing to fight, or in this case give up a shot at $250k, for us.  And to be honest I don't think there's anything wrong with that. 

So thanks for the reminder Ames...even this skeptic was convinced (if only for a moment) that there is someone out there willing to fight for me.  Until then I'll be patiently waiting for my red pants wearing knight in shining armor. 

"I have run, I have crawled, I have scaled these city walls, these city walls, only to be with you...but I still haven't found what I'm looking for..." U2