It's funny really...the places life takes us. One of my least favorite questions to be asked in an interview, or in any situation for that matter, is,"where do you see yourself in five years?" Because I can tell you that my answer five years ago would be so far off the mark from where I am today. Now I know the purpose of the question isn't to get me to predict the future or anything like that...more of a where would I like to be and what would I like to be doing sort of thing. And I get that I guess. But I really think life is too short to try to plan it so far in advance...and this coming from a person who loves to plan! So it's always something I struggle to answer...do I simply make up a career path I could see myself possibly following or am I honest and say that I don't really want to know what the future holds?
Two years ago I would have never predicted that I would be unemployed and eventually headed back to Texas. And one year ago I never thought I would find myself in the place I'm in now...packing up and moving, yet again, this time back to the Big D (Dallas, not Denver). Crazy right? Maybe my nickname should be the nomad or something. But what's life without a little adventure and change of scenery?
I have to say that the decision to leave Austin after such a short amount of time here was really difficult. I have made some incredible friends, worked with some fabulous people, and won't be able to replace Wednesday trivia nights even if I tried. But I was given an opportunity that I felt I just couldn't pass up at this point in my life. And it may seem like a crazy big risk to be taking right now...uprooting my life, moving back to a city I voluntarily left three years ago, and taking a job in a field where I have absolutely no experience...but it just feels right. I prayed and prayed about what to do and where to go...and I was really conflicted for a few days...all it really came down to was following my heart. Not such an easy thing to do sometimes...especially when you're the one usually making the logical decisions and following your head over your heart.
So here I am...sitting at home blogging when I should probably be packing...or at least organizing to pack...on the cusp of a new beginning down another path. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't excited for this new adventure, but also a little sad to be leaving Austin (and the wonderful people here) behind. But like Denver, I know I can always come back to visit this place I once called home.
Maybe 2011 is the year of new adventures...only time will tell! So for now I'm going to let the future unfold one day at a time...and sit back and enjoy the ride!
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Letting go of all I've held onto...
I cannot believe that 2010 is already coming to a close. This year has truly gone by so quickly. It's like I blinked twice and it was gone. Crazy.
So as I was driving back to Austin today I started thinking about some "New Year's Resolutions". And I really hate to call them that because we should be able to stop at any point in the year and resolve to change something. But that's neither here nor there really. Now I know most people typically choose to lose weight or workout more or give up caffeine, coffee or smoking even...and this isn't to say I don't need to work on a few of those myself...but I was trying to think of something a little less "trendy" if you will.
And what I came up with is something I think I should continually work on and not just say as of 1/1/11 I'm going to be done with. It is simply this: to let go of all the hurts, hang ups and heart break from my past (to the best of my ability of course, I am only human). This doesn't mean I want to forget about some of those painful (growing) experiences...but it does mean I want to let them go. And it's going to be really hard. I'm sure there will be days where it will be a lot like trying to avoid caffeine...you just want one sip, one stroll down memory lane, to ease the headache.
The big question is...what does this really mean? What exactly am I giving up? And right now it's hard to say what all it entails. It may mean just un-friending some people on Facebook...deleting people from my phone...maybe even letting go of people who are a part of my life but have been a source of pain. Or maybe it's as simple as not dwelling on certain situations and in turn not allowing them to affect my life now.
But let's face it...I'm a girl...it's a part of our nature (or that's my excuse anyway) to take lessons from the past and apply them to the present. Helpful or not. So I'm sure there will be struggles...and temptation to stalk people on Facebook that I shouldn't...but I think it's the best thing for me at this point in my life. Let the past stay in the past and try my best to live in the present. To not let how I handled situations before dictate how I live my life in the future. Sounds crazy right? Well...baby steps. And I'll try to keep you updated on my progress throughout the coming months.
For now...Happy New Year! May your 2011 be blessed with love, joy, faith, and peace.
"You will surely forget your trouble, recalling it only as waters gone by. Life will be brighter than noonday, and darkness will become like morning. You will be secure, because there is hope..." Job 11:16-18
So as I was driving back to Austin today I started thinking about some "New Year's Resolutions". And I really hate to call them that because we should be able to stop at any point in the year and resolve to change something. But that's neither here nor there really. Now I know most people typically choose to lose weight or workout more or give up caffeine, coffee or smoking even...and this isn't to say I don't need to work on a few of those myself...but I was trying to think of something a little less "trendy" if you will.
And what I came up with is something I think I should continually work on and not just say as of 1/1/11 I'm going to be done with. It is simply this: to let go of all the hurts, hang ups and heart break from my past (to the best of my ability of course, I am only human). This doesn't mean I want to forget about some of those painful (growing) experiences...but it does mean I want to let them go. And it's going to be really hard. I'm sure there will be days where it will be a lot like trying to avoid caffeine...you just want one sip, one stroll down memory lane, to ease the headache.
The big question is...what does this really mean? What exactly am I giving up? And right now it's hard to say what all it entails. It may mean just un-friending some people on Facebook...deleting people from my phone...maybe even letting go of people who are a part of my life but have been a source of pain. Or maybe it's as simple as not dwelling on certain situations and in turn not allowing them to affect my life now.
But let's face it...I'm a girl...it's a part of our nature (or that's my excuse anyway) to take lessons from the past and apply them to the present. Helpful or not. So I'm sure there will be struggles...and temptation to stalk people on Facebook that I shouldn't...but I think it's the best thing for me at this point in my life. Let the past stay in the past and try my best to live in the present. To not let how I handled situations before dictate how I live my life in the future. Sounds crazy right? Well...baby steps. And I'll try to keep you updated on my progress throughout the coming months.
For now...Happy New Year! May your 2011 be blessed with love, joy, faith, and peace.
"You will surely forget your trouble, recalling it only as waters gone by. Life will be brighter than noonday, and darkness will become like morning. You will be secure, because there is hope..." Job 11:16-18
Sunday, October 31, 2010
You pull me closer to love...
It's funny as you head into your late 20's the way people view being single. Its almost like they see it as less of a choice and more of a desperate situation. Which I just find amusing really. That's not to say some people in their mid to late 20's wouldn't rather be in a relationship, but it doesn't mean that all of us are sitting around miserable because we aren't. I've gotten asked (more times than I can count) why I'm still single or why I don't really date much. What am I supposed to say to this? There's the expected "I just haven't found the right person yet" or the "it'll happen when it's supposed to"...why not say "I just haven't felt like I'm missing out on anything by being single"? Who wants to hear you say,"I've been hurt so many times I just don't want to risk it right now?" Neither of those are the answers people expect. And I know they're just trying to be reassuring, but sometimes it's just really frustrating.
I get it. I'm 27, single, and I live in Texas. In Denver it was much less noticeable amidst a sea of young, single people. Maybe that's why I never really let the questions get to me. Or was never really that concerned about my love (or lack there of) life. But now it seems to be a hot topic of discussion. And I get that too...a lot of my friends are getting married and having babies...which is great, I'm just not there yet.
That's not to say I don't want all of those things someday...I do...but I'm not worried that it hasn't happened yet. I've had some great opportunities that I may not have taken advantage of if I was married or trying to start a family. I wouldn't trade my two years in Denver or my ability to change jobs and move around the country for anything. I've loved it. Doesn't mean there haven't been parts of my journey that would've been nice to share with someone, or that I didn't have love and hurt along the way...it's just a part of my story. A story that is still being written and is by no means lacking in the love department. I have an awesome family and great friends that have provided me with so much love over the years that I haven't really had a void to fill.
The best part is I feel like all of the experiences I've had along the way have made me so much more open to loving someone and being loved in return. All the hurts, hangups, and risks have brought me where I am today. And I wouldn't change any of it.
"Oh it's your light, oh it's your way, pull me out of the dark just to show me the way, cryin' out now from so far away...you pull me closer to love, closer to love..." Mat Kearney
I get it. I'm 27, single, and I live in Texas. In Denver it was much less noticeable amidst a sea of young, single people. Maybe that's why I never really let the questions get to me. Or was never really that concerned about my love (or lack there of) life. But now it seems to be a hot topic of discussion. And I get that too...a lot of my friends are getting married and having babies...which is great, I'm just not there yet.
That's not to say I don't want all of those things someday...I do...but I'm not worried that it hasn't happened yet. I've had some great opportunities that I may not have taken advantage of if I was married or trying to start a family. I wouldn't trade my two years in Denver or my ability to change jobs and move around the country for anything. I've loved it. Doesn't mean there haven't been parts of my journey that would've been nice to share with someone, or that I didn't have love and hurt along the way...it's just a part of my story. A story that is still being written and is by no means lacking in the love department. I have an awesome family and great friends that have provided me with so much love over the years that I haven't really had a void to fill.
The best part is I feel like all of the experiences I've had along the way have made me so much more open to loving someone and being loved in return. All the hurts, hangups, and risks have brought me where I am today. And I wouldn't change any of it.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Bags fly free?
I know it's been a while since I've written...been in somewhat of a blogging drought I suppose. That or I have too many things running around in my head to sort into words. Probably more of the latter these days.
It's been a weird couple of months to say the least. And somehow it seems in the blink of an eye time has come and gone yet again. How has it already been four months since precious Ellery was born? And almost three without Granny? Isn't it strange that no matter how frozen we may be in a moment, life continues to swirl all around us? If only there was a way to stop it...even just briefly. Clearly I know this is impossible and probably silly to even think about...but you can't blame a girl for dreaming.
What I've been realizing lately is that we all carry baggage with us. It comes in different shapes, sizes, colors, weights, etc...but we all have it. Some people might consider them scars more than baggage, war wounds if you will, but I think it's pretty much all the same. And it can be anything. Doesn't have to be a bad relationship with an ex or a family member necessarily...it can be something as simple as losing someone you love or losing a job or moving across the country. It isn't always bad baggage either.
The question becomes...is there such a thing as too much baggage? Or as we get older do we get charged for the extra baggage we accumulate? Maybe its evaluated on a person by person basis...some baggage outweighs others depending on what we can each handle...there shouldn't be an automatic scale that charges you extra once you exceed fifty pounds. I know for me there are types of baggage I may not be prepared to handle...and probably baggage I carry around with me that other people may not be capable of handling, but I like to think that I wouldn't immediately evaluate a person based on what kind or how much baggage someone has.
But what I've really begun to understand is that these scars make us more beautiful. The damage done by love, loss, and life turns us into these weathered, weary people that shouldn't be afraid to show off what we've been through. Embrace the imperfections...be honest about who we are and the mistakes we've made...love that in our weaknesses we are made stronger.
Most importantly, just love. Its the things we carry that make us who we are and in my opinion more lovable.
"We love because He first loved us." 1 John 4:19
It's been a weird couple of months to say the least. And somehow it seems in the blink of an eye time has come and gone yet again. How has it already been four months since precious Ellery was born? And almost three without Granny? Isn't it strange that no matter how frozen we may be in a moment, life continues to swirl all around us? If only there was a way to stop it...even just briefly. Clearly I know this is impossible and probably silly to even think about...but you can't blame a girl for dreaming.
What I've been realizing lately is that we all carry baggage with us. It comes in different shapes, sizes, colors, weights, etc...but we all have it. Some people might consider them scars more than baggage, war wounds if you will, but I think it's pretty much all the same. And it can be anything. Doesn't have to be a bad relationship with an ex or a family member necessarily...it can be something as simple as losing someone you love or losing a job or moving across the country. It isn't always bad baggage either.
The question becomes...is there such a thing as too much baggage? Or as we get older do we get charged for the extra baggage we accumulate? Maybe its evaluated on a person by person basis...some baggage outweighs others depending on what we can each handle...there shouldn't be an automatic scale that charges you extra once you exceed fifty pounds. I know for me there are types of baggage I may not be prepared to handle...and probably baggage I carry around with me that other people may not be capable of handling, but I like to think that I wouldn't immediately evaluate a person based on what kind or how much baggage someone has.
But what I've really begun to understand is that these scars make us more beautiful. The damage done by love, loss, and life turns us into these weathered, weary people that shouldn't be afraid to show off what we've been through. Embrace the imperfections...be honest about who we are and the mistakes we've made...love that in our weaknesses we are made stronger.
Most importantly, just love. Its the things we carry that make us who we are and in my opinion more lovable.
"We love because He first loved us." 1 John 4:19
Monday, August 9, 2010
Here I am Lord...
Naomi Bryant Duban
1915 - 2010
This blog post is nothing more than a tribute to one of the most beautiful, God fearing, loving women I was blessed to know. For the past twenty seven years she was the matriarch of our family as I know it. And in an instant, that all changed.
I have been trying to gather my thoughts over the past few days, but how can you put into words a woman whose life was so intricately entwined with your own? I try to remember the funny things...the "Grannyisms" if you will. Those little sayings that fill all of the memories I have. And remember the smiles and laughter. Not the sadness that drifts in and out these days. Sometimes it will just hit me out of nowhere. And I know its selfish to want more time or to think about the moments I missed out on...but right now I just can't help it. Anyway...enough about me. One day at a time is the best I can do for now.
The title of this blog is an old Catholic hymn that I remember singing at Granny's during the rosary she used to have at her house. At the time it was such a somber, mellow song. But now its what I hear when I think about her. And it brought me to tears when it was played at her service. Though it also makes me chuckle because we used to dread going down to say the rosary with Granny and her friends. It always seemed to last forever too...and in reality its only around 20 minutes. But it was her passion and her calling. And no matter how embarrassing it was for her to pass out rosaries from the plastic bag in her purse, its something I respect and love her for even more as I think about it.
She was a light in a world full of darkness, a breath of fresh air when you were struggling to breathe, and a symbol of love and faith to everyone who was lucky enough to know her. I don't know if there are words to adequately describe how much we will all miss her...but I know that she is rejoicing in Heaven and we will someday be together again.
"Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the LORD rises upon you. The sun will no more be your light by day, nor will the brightness of the moon shine on you, for the LORD will be your everlasting light, and your God will be your glory. Your sun will never set again, and your moon will wane no more; the LORD will be your everlasting light, and your days of sorrow will end." Isaiah 60:1;19-20
Thursday, July 1, 2010
She is love...
.jpg)
Ellery Jane Timmerman
Born June 24, 2010 at 1:00 pm
7 pounds 1 ounce, 19 inches
She is truly the most beautiful baby I have ever gotten to hold (and love on). I may be a little biased I know, but I just can't help it! Who knew it was possible to love someone so much having just met them.
Isn't it amazing how life has come full circle in just a year? Last week before Miss E arrived, I was having trouble putting it into words. And even now as I sit here thinking about how things have changed, the words just don't seem to come. Through all the tears and prayers and worrying, you just can't fathom how faithful God is until you hold that precious little angel in your arms.
He is faithful.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Worthy of love...
Tonight as I watch the makeover episode of Biggest Loser I am constantly reminded how much we are told we're not worthy. Worthy of love...worthy of life...worthy of anything. This show always gets to me. Because I truly believe it changes lives. For the better. These people are at the end of their rope so to speak...they have no other options besides dying a slow, obese death, full of disease and sadness.
And in a way I know what that's like. Not the obesity part necessarily. But to feel like you're not worthy. I'm sure we've all felt like that at different points in our lives. And it's a terrible feeling. To feel like no matter what you do or who you're surrounded by, you're still not worthy. Or that something you've done has prevented you from deserving worthiness. Whether its weight or whatever else...there are so many things that cause this feeling within us.
But no matter what...it's all rooted in sin. We're all sinners. We know that. We were told that from the very beginning. We've all fallen short.
Even better though...we've been redeemed. And we ARE worthy.
Tonight's Biggest Loser overwhelmingly reminded me of that. These people are just as worthy as me of living a happy and healthy life. No matter what they've struggled with in the past. And I love seeing them have this revelation. It's not always during makeover week...but it always happens. At some point they just recognize it within themselves. They are worthy.
And so am I. Even though its something I seem to be struggling with right now. It's not like I realized it while I was watching the show tonight...but its something that's been building up over the past few weeks. Am I truly worthy of being loved? The way I deserve. The way I was meant to be loved? The answer is yes. I am worthy. I just have to recognize it within myself.
This comes from one of my favorite songs from a few years ago...and tonight it's all I seem to be singing in my head.
"I want to be beautiful, make you stand in awe, look inside my heart, and be amazed...I want to hear you say, who I am is quite enough, just want to be worthy of love, and beautiful..." Bethany Dillon
And in a way I know what that's like. Not the obesity part necessarily. But to feel like you're not worthy. I'm sure we've all felt like that at different points in our lives. And it's a terrible feeling. To feel like no matter what you do or who you're surrounded by, you're still not worthy. Or that something you've done has prevented you from deserving worthiness. Whether its weight or whatever else...there are so many things that cause this feeling within us.
But no matter what...it's all rooted in sin. We're all sinners. We know that. We were told that from the very beginning. We've all fallen short.
Even better though...we've been redeemed. And we ARE worthy.
Tonight's Biggest Loser overwhelmingly reminded me of that. These people are just as worthy as me of living a happy and healthy life. No matter what they've struggled with in the past. And I love seeing them have this revelation. It's not always during makeover week...but it always happens. At some point they just recognize it within themselves. They are worthy.
And so am I. Even though its something I seem to be struggling with right now. It's not like I realized it while I was watching the show tonight...but its something that's been building up over the past few weeks. Am I truly worthy of being loved? The way I deserve. The way I was meant to be loved? The answer is yes. I am worthy. I just have to recognize it within myself.
This comes from one of my favorite songs from a few years ago...and tonight it's all I seem to be singing in my head.
"I want to be beautiful, make you stand in awe, look inside my heart, and be amazed...I want to hear you say, who I am is quite enough, just want to be worthy of love, and beautiful..." Bethany Dillon
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)