Everything rides on faith somehow...

I'm not really sure where to start tonight, but I just felt like I had to write for some reason. Is that weird? I would love to say that so much has been going on in my life lately, but that's not really the case either.

I guess I'll just talk about what's been on my heart recently. Not an easy thing to do right now.

So every week I have to make at least 5 job contacts to be eligible for unemployment. Doesn't seem like a lot but there are some weeks where I just apply for random stuff b/c there's nothing that peaks my interest. And sometimes the jobs I apply for are in places I think I'd like to live. Like Seattle for instance. Which apparently seems pretty odd to some people...but then again so did Denver 2 years ago. And honestly those are the jobs I don't expect to ever hear from...especially since I apply with my Denver resume. Because there are so many unemployed people in the country right now companies don't have to search far and wide to find a plethora of qualified candidates. Anyway...a few weeks ago I applied for a job in the Seattle area with an energy company...thinking like always that it would count as a contact but that would be the end of it. Much to my surprise it wasn't. Long story short I had a phone interview with the company on my 26th birthday and a couple of days later they called me back to tell me they wanted to fly me up for an in person interview. I seriously thought about laughing and saying thanks but no thanks. But then I thought why not? What if this is the job I've been waiting for? I mean I've applied for a lot of jobs and heard nothing, so why turn down an opportunity that doesn't come along very often?

And it was then that I realized I didn't know how to tell my family. It was hard enough to tell them about moving to Denver...and that's a drivable distance from Texas. But it's not like I've been offered the job and I am moving...it's just an interview. Granted it's not the cheapest of interviews since I am traveling...but the same thing applies when I find jobs in Austin or in other non-Denver cities that I want. And I wanted to tell everyone together...not one person at a time or even before the wedding we attended b/c I didn't want it to be the hot topic of discussion the whole time I was home. Maybe that's selfish of me. But I honestly thought I was doing a good thing. Though I think I already knew what their reactions would be. Disbelief. Disappointment. Deception. All of it.

But the hardest thing to deal with has been the question of my happiness. Which never really crossed my mind as a factor before then. And it was a huge factor in my leaving Dallas...I was unhappy. With my job, with myself, with a lot of things. That's not to say that I didn't love some aspects of my life there, it's just that the bad outweighed the good. And I know my move to Denver was selfish. It was all about me...I felt like I needed to start over again. Prove to myself I could do it all on my own. Be a grown up. Something along those lines. But just because I've thought about moving again doesn't mean I'm unhappy here. I love Denver. I love the life I've built here. Does that mean it's the right place for me at this point in time? I don't know. I do know that I made a promise to myself when I got laid off that I wouldn't take a job just to have one (unless of course I really had to)...and also a promise to be faithful in knowing that God has the right job out there for me. And in reality that job may not be in Denver.

I can't sit here and say that it doesn't scare me...but that fear applies to jobs in Texas as well as Seattle. The fear is quite different in those situations though. With Texas it's a fear of giving up and moving back...with Seattle it's a fear of starting all over again in a city I'm relatively unfamiliar with. But it's also exciting. There may not be another time in my life when I can move around as freely as I can now. Getting to explore a new place and add on to a life I am so blessed to be living. Does that make sense?

It doesn't mean that I will take the job if I feel like it's not the right one for me. It doesn't mean I'm not still applying to jobs in Denver. I definitely am. I want to be where God wants me to be. And if that's in Seattle then is that really so bad? What could be better than following the path God has paved for me?

The way I see it right now is this: there are so many jobs out there that I've applied for, some I've even interviewed for, that haven't worked out...and then this one comes along and they actually called me back...and they're even willing to fly me to Seattle for an interview. I have prayed and prayed that God would bring me the right job and not let my fear get in the way. That even if it's something I may not think I want to do, I would give it a chance if it felt right. And really that's where my heart is. Not concerned about the details of why or how or when. I am relying on faith for those answers.

So as I travel to Seattle this weekend for yet another interview, I can't help but wonder is this the job for me? Is this where God wants me to be? I hope that if it is, I won't be afraid to take a leap of faith and try something new again.